I have a problem. My roommate is so annoying. He doesn’t leave my girlfriend and me alone. He won’t give us any time to ourselves – always asking if we want to watch movies, eat with him, etc. I don’t understand it at all. Is he lonely? How do I get him to stop?
Well, Selfish Lover, I think he’s just giving you not-so-subtle signals. You, being extremely close-minded, don’t realize that some people can’t function in conventional relationships. He wants to politely ask you to share, but he’s too shy. Poor lad. He just wants to make sweet love to your girlfriend. Stop being a jerk. Or, maybe, he’s just lonely and weird. Either way, let your girlfriend sleep with him.
I met this person the other day, and she’s hell-bent on being my best friend. Unfortunately, I hate her and everything she stands for. I hate her face, her values, her taste in music and movies – I hate her from her awful hair down to her disgusting, giant feet. I’m not a mean person; I just don’t connect with her. But she’s going to scary lengths to find out where I live, where I work and where and when my other classes are. She already found out my phone number and social security number somehow. I swear I didn’t tell her. What should I do? Call the police?
Little Miss Anti-Social, calm down. It’s important to show restraint in these situations and not overreact. Are you being stalked, really? I highly doubt it. It’s my professional diagnosis that you are, in fact, this person. There was never another. It’s only you. Who else could possibly know your social security number? Only you. Who hates you and your giant feet and awful taste in music more than anyone in the world? You. You need help, Miss. You need professional help. I recommend a CAT scan and a well-revered psychiatrist. You’re sick. Good luck, and God’s speed.