Christmas is lurking its gingerbread-eating, white, snowy head around the corner and many of us are scrambling around the stores, trying to knock out our shopping lists.
The hardest people to shop for are significant others, especially if you are in a newer relationship. Throughout my past, I have made some what I thought to be “perfect” gift decisions for my sweethearts only to find my tokens of affection shoved underneath their bed.
There are plenty of articles that supply you with oodles of ideas of what to get that special someone, but I think an “anti-gift list” is more beneficial for people in newer relationships. Thankfully, I’ve had years of sucky gift experience in both giving and receiving, so I am sort of a sucky gift expert. Thus, I present you with my “Presents to Not Get” list. Don’t worry, you can thank me later. Here’s a hint: I love wine baskets.
What not to get a man for Christmas:
No. 1: If it is stuffed and squawks, giggles or says any words of admiration when you press a button on its stomach, it is not something you should buy for a grown man.Some men can be overgrown boys inside, but that applies to video games and cartoons. Keep the cutesier stuff for the kids in your life.
No. 2: A gift that is for you. A gift certificate for a overnight stay at a bed and breakfast or two tickets to Les Miserables is your way of getting him to take you some place he would never go of his own volition.
No. 3: Underwear and socks. Leave these meaningless gifts to the person who was assigned this responsibility since his birth — his mother. Giving any of them will make him think you are trying to replace “Mommy,” which can never be a good thing.
No. 4: Jewelry. Unless your man is Pit Bull, do not shell out some ungodly amount of money for a diamond studded bracelet or, worse yet, the other half of a necklace that will also be adorned by you. Men are lucky they can get dressed in the morning, let alone put on any sparkly garb.
No. 5: Pets. Watch Judge Judy a few times and you will realize why this is never a good idea. If you hardly know him for three months, do not buy him something that may outlive your relationship.
What not to get a woman for Christmas:
No. 1: Anything you have seen on models in Maxim magazine. Even though we are flattered that you think we would look just as good as Kim Kardashian in that black leather thong she adorned in her three-page spread, we will not and it will make us self-conscious to even attempt that feat. Stick with the cute cotton panties from Victoria’s Secret.
No. 2: Small household appliances. I love my steam mop and electric can opener, but unless you are her husband of a few years or more, do not buy her these items of convenience because she might think you are as boring as the appliances.
No. 3: Cheap jewelry. If it comes from any store that ends with the word “Mart” and was created in a lab in Taiwan, do not waste your $40. A Ring Pop is worth more.
No. 4: Christmas-themed clothing. Yes, those candy cane flannel pajamas are very warm and cozy, but they look ridiculous wearing them anytime after the New Year. Stick with neutral patterns and colors. The only thing that should have Santa and his reindeer on it is the card and wrapping paper.
No. 5: Anything from Spencer’s — enough said.
Always remember the best gift anyone can ever receive is love. Nevertheless, always keep your receipts.